OMFG

Im so sorry it's been so long. Just before my bday Jan.20 Jay finally returned my ipod he lost every since before October, thanks to the help of my big brother Mo. Since then life has been like sex on X. And he had he nerve to call me on my 21st to say happy bady, im soo fab! i relplied...why thank you......and then I banged it on him!

My new boyfriend is so dreamy. I call him "Biggie." Biggie is what every woman wants. He's handsome, young, sarcastic, imperfect, smart, and he's so funny I feel like pissing sometimes. Biggie is far from perfect trust me. But he is always willing to learn and take a risk. Risky business, oh yea baby. Me and Biggie met through mutual friends, so a lot of our friends are all friends which is pretty cool.

Biggie turns every gene on in my body like the lighting of the Rocafeller Center Christmas tree. He's Russian, and French Catholic, very different from myself (Black, Indian, n Irish), but I just say Black. When he stares at me with his bright blues I feel soooo freakin high. I know how bad he wants me, and that makes me want him even more. Ohhh Biggie, you don't know what you do to me. lol

Where is my life right now???????????????????????????????

I just got a second job hosting at this soul food restaurant across the street from my home, how convenient! Im trying to pay off my debt, and go back to school, but the struggle to success is not easy. Its so freakin crazy how you have to pay thousands of dollars to be successful, by the time you get out of school, you are already in debt, just for trying to be something other than average.

I decided to go to a community college, and freelance on my own time. My boutiques aren't going to buy themselves right? Ive also decided to be serious about music even though my passion is to design and create clothing. Ive been performing for chidren at my dads school, and I go to the studio with my cousin sometimes. It feels good to sing, kind of a relief, it reminds me of the feeling I get after I complete a sketch.

Wait a minute! Can you believe my "best friend" from 9th grade who was like my sister keeps playing me? I mean if you don't want to hang out with glam, you should just say so. Ew! She stood me up for my bday, things like this have been going on the past year and im done. You know once she got a lil bit of confidence she thought she was The Devil Wearing Prada. No honey not tru. . .more like The Devil Wearing Sketchers, relax that ass!

Biggie is so siked about V-Day....he mentioned it before me...wow. Idk what I want to do yet.

Until next time.....smooches

Everything Happens For a Reason . . .

This past weekend was interesting. On Friday, my friend Gabriel Anderson came over to my house around 11p. I got lifted, and we had so much fun laughing, dancing to Beyonce videos, and being our normal selves, also known as crazy. Its crazy how much Gabriel and I think alike. Gabriel wants to be famous just like me, successful, ridiculously wealthy, and have the most fun we could ever possibly have in a lifetime.

Gabriel ended up staying @ my house till' like 5 in the morning, that's how I got started with my blog. After he left I was still up for another two hours fantasising about my boyfriend. I got a boyfriend for Christmas, who gets boyfriends for x-mas? Ms Elle Fox. DUH! His name is Perez and he is amazing. Some relationships suck, and they are very unsatisfying. Not this one.

But before I get into my new relationship, you should probably get a low down on the old one. See, I was with my high school sweetheart for 5 years. Lets call him Jay Z, he favored him. I'm 21 . . .I know right. BUT, it didn't feel like a long time. When we first met I didn't like him half as much as he liked me. But Jay called me everyday and he kinda grew on me. He grew on me a lot until I really liked him. Liking grew to lust, and lust grew to our relationship. The first couple years were great because we fell in love. After he left for college, thats when things started to rott slowly.

We started to grow apart, and I felt like his feelings for me changed over time. He acted less attentive, we didn't go out much, never really celebrated our anniverseries, and he once told me Valentines day was pointless because ppl celebrate love for one another one day out of the year. I thought it was special for an entire day to be dedicated to love. But apparently we were already on different pages. I was always there for him no matter what. I didn't care about our differences, as bad things got I would have never let him go and I was willing to fight till the end.

Our arguments grew worse, and our love grew stronger because we still had good times. Trust me when I say there is a very thin line between love and hate.


This october Jay left me and I was heartbroken, he told me he couldn't love me the way I wanted to be loved. This is the same day I bought him a GUESS leather jacket for his stupid birthday. I wanted to see him that day and he chose to hang with his friend, my classmate, lets call him Dame Dash, he's a super producer. So he came to my house only to pick up the jackect, which was fucked up, didnt hug me, kiss me, nothing, and this was after I hadn't seen him for a month. Oh yea, I forgot to mention he moved to CT about 2-3 years ago and Harlem was his home for the weekends. Except with me I guess. N e way, I played crazy bitch and went up to his house to obtain the jacket I bought ( he didn't deserve it, and I was fed the fuck up). So I knock on the door and he's chilling with Dame watching movies n shit eating chinese food. I knocked and he ignored me. I waited on his car until they both came out and he speciafiacally told someone to tell me to get off of his car. Oh really mofo, wasn't I the one who bought you your first car?

I know long story. . . . so he calls me halfway to CT. Yea he used his friends car to avoid me waiting near his car. I was there for another 45 mins after he left, n I had no idea he was already on his way to CT. He told me He didn't know how to love me the way I wanted. I thought of it as a cheap cop out. Bascically saying he didn't WANT to love me, and make me happy. Cuz if he wanted to he would have like he'd done the last years. But it's his loss, I know truly no one in this world will ever love him the way I did, he also know this. N to this day I don't think he would lie about how much he knows I loved him.

My Virgin Blog

Whoever invented blogging is genius! I fcuking swear. Just yesterday I was on the train thinking way to much. How am I going to get money to get back in school? How come my x-b-friend is being such a jerk to me after he left me, and lost my ipod which he says he is going to give me??? How does a good person like my mom, become a stroke victim? How come my new boyfriend is so nice (I know, pretty soon for another relationship, whatever it feels good)

NO BODY FREAKIN KNOWS!

I was going somewhere with this . . . .oh yea, blogging is so the new diary.